Alive
by The Mouse Avenger
Summary: After watching the events of a certain movie, you would think that you'd seen the last of Bartholomew...but what if the drunken thug was somehow able to escape the jaws of death? AU. To be revised & reuploaded. R&R, but no flames, please!


**Alive**

Author's Notes: This is another short fanfic...this time about Bartholomew.

In my fanfics (including my sequel), Bartholomew is alive.

Yes, you read me right. He's alive, alive, alive!

This fanfic explains why.

(BTW, this story is told through Bartholomew's eyes. It takes place throughout the "World's Greatest Criminal Mind" scene.)

I hope you like it!

Bartholomew, Professor Ratigan, & Felicia (C) Disney.

Manchester Maurice (a spoof of Ethel M. Grimes' character Cheapside Chauncey (from her fanfic story "_In Memory Of Elizabeth"_)) (C) me. Please don't use him without asking.

**

* * *

I was in the motley crew of thugs & minions in the big barrel-throne room in the sewer lair we called home.**

**Our boss, Professor Ratigan, was on his throne, making a speech about his biggest crime ever.**

**But I wasn't paying attention. I was trying to see if there was any beer left in my mug.**

**Nothing.**

**The last few foamy drops came out of my mug, & fell onto the tiled floor. All gone.**

**But I cheered for Ratigan anyway, after he said he was gonna become king.**

**Then Ratigan smiled at me before he stepped down.**

**That wasn't the smile of Professor Ratigan, it was the smile of my little baby brother, who looked up to me as a friend & a sibling.**

**The same Ratigan whose name I added the "Professor" to. The same Ratigan I helped make into the criminal he was today.**

**The 17-year-old criminal stepped down, & began to dance & sing his favorite song.**

**I smiled again at my brother, who smiled back at me...before he filled the small fountain that occupied the throne room with...**

**Champagne!**

**My favorite alcoholic beverage!**

**Tail wagging, eyes bugging out, smile widening, I dropped my empty beer mug, & went over to the fountain, sitting on the rim, & lapping up the pink champagne like a dog.**

**Then Ratigan knocked me _INTO_ the champagne fountain! My little brother was so generous!**

**So I drank, & I drank, & I drank, & I drank, & I kept on drinking...**

**Until I blurted the words I never wanted to hear myself say...**

**"_To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat!_"**

**Then came a hiccup, a wheeze, a shatter, & gasping.**

**And that was all I remembered. My mind became one great big...blank.**

**I don't know what happened next, but when I became conscious again, I felt myself being moistened with spit, & being bounced about on a giant pink tongue.**

**I was in Felicia's mouth! Ready to be swallowed!**

**Felicia gulped me down, but I managed to grab onto her big pink tonsils...**

**..._REAL_ hard!**

**Felicia meowed in pain. Then she sat down.**

**I jumped up & down, hugging Felicia's tonsils, trying to get out.**

**But all that came out was one, big...****_BURP!_**

**I herd Ratigan talking, a great big gasp, & the thugs singing again.**

**Then I felt Felicia walk over to her special corner.**

**Then she opened her mouth, & retched me out.**

**I found myself on the cobblestone floor of the sewer lair's main chambers, covered in cat spit & vomit.**

**I _KNEW_ I was going to have clean that bile off...**

**So I went over to the washroom, & took a nice, hot bath.**

**Then when I got to my barrel-house, I saw my twin biological brother, Manchester Maurice, sitting on his bed, crying.**

**He thought I was dead. But I wasn't. I was alive!**

**I went over to my brother (who was very happy), & we both gave other a big hug.**

**Tomorrow evening, when Ratigan would become king, I would tell the other thugs I was alive.**

**But not tonight.**

**Ratigan might try to kill me again if I told them right now, or showed myself in front of him.**

**But they would all know soon enough that I was alive.**

**THE END**

* * *

Author's Notes: Well, that was the story of how Bartholomew survived his "death" in the movie!

Please review!

(If you absolutely, positively, really want to flame about Bartholomew surviving, or Ratigan being 17 years old, you can. But _DON'T FLAME ANYTHING ELSE!_)


End file.
